Mighty Morphin' Bijuu Rangers!
by rageofkyubii
Summary: Rewritten and reposted as "Mighty Morphin' Bijuu Rangers: Remastered". See link in profile.
1. Chapter 1

…**3**

…**2**

…**1**

**Go-Go Bijuu Rangers!!**

**You Mighty Morphin' Bijuu Rangers!**

(lamest shit ever!!)

**RoK:** And yet, it inspired this fic….

**From the twisted mind of: DarkFayt**

**Written by: Rageofkyubii **(He didn't write shit!)

**RoK:** BullCRAP, I didn't!

**Co-Authored by: DarkFayt **

(REALLY been writing this shit for almost a year…sad, so very sad…)

"Talking"

"_Thinking"_

"**Monster/Distorted Talking"**

"_**Monster/Distorted Thinking"**_

THIS WILL BE THE ONLY DISCLAIMER FOR THIS FIC AND SHOULD BE UNDERSTOOD TO APPLY TO ALL FUTURE CHAPTERS!!

**DarkFayt:** We do not own anything related to the Power Rangers franchise or the Naruto empire. Also we are very poor as it is…so not worth suing. (Maybe ROK…he has a car…)

**RoK:** Pfft, and DF has a book series coming out, so he'll have more cash than me. Sue him.

**DarkFayt:** Sue me and you sue my publishers legal department…sue ROK and you sue a redneck with a truck. Less money but a sure thing!

**RoK:** …how exactly am I a redneck?

Neither Rageofkyubii nor DarkFayt take any liability, joy, or profit from this venture. (maybe joy…) Only the relief that the plot bunnies will leave us alone…

**Any and all complaints can be crammed up your ass because we don't care…at all.**

All praise, gratitude, or joke ideas can be given to DarkFayt

If you didn't listen to the above warning all complaints, law suits, and or flames can be sent to rageofkyubii.

**RoK:** Oh, you can just go-

**DF:** Yeah, you know better then to finish that, bitch!!(I'm going to regret that later…)

**RoK:** Yes. Yes, you are.

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"Tsunade-sama!" was the cry that could be heard throughout the small gambling town that sat on the boarder between Hi no Kunai and Kaze no Kunai.

"Oh, those two are at it again?! I didn't become a bartender to watch over a couple of drunk sluts all the time! Oomph…" were the last words from the bartender before a mug to the skull roughly put an end to his shift.

"Damn, old bastard…Shizune, keep it down…I have a terrible hangover…" was the muffled reply from the Slug Princess as she tenderly cradled her head in-between her arms.

"Not this time, Tsunade-sama!! Not only did you gamble away all our traveling money, AGAIN, but you even got so drunk that you sold Ton-Ton!! It took me almost four hours to find her! And look at her!" she exclaimed, holding up the pig towards Tsunade's face. The small animal had one of its ears pierced, and had somehow gained a tattoo beside her tail of a kunai pointing toward….well, let's leave it at that.

As Tsunade slowly raised her head, she couldn't help but let a bitter smile slip across her face…she always felt sorrow after one of her harder nights, and knew it would take days to clean up all the trouble she had no doubt caused but she knew that another was always to come. It always did these days, "Sorry, Shizune…"

If it wasn't for the loud talk of the bar many would have sworn a Fuuton jutsu had been cast with the deflation and sigh that had escaped Shizune.

"It's alright Tsunade-sama…let's just get back to the inn."

It didn't take them long to leave the loud and glowing aura of the red-light district of the small town. It was a quiet night, and even with Tsunade stumbling every few steps, it was still an enjoyable night for most without hangovers...

"Tsunade-sama…do you think we'll ever return to Konoha?" Shizune asked hesitantly.

Tsunade's face seemed to blank for a moment before she clutched her grandfather's necklace tightly. "Not if I have anything to say about it…it will take an act of Kami…"

In that instant, a bright flash of light exploded from the necklace with a booming voice following soon after.

"**TSUNADE, I NEED YOU TO GATHER A TEAM OF PRE-TEEN JINCHUURIKI WITH ATTITUDE!!"**

"……stupid Kami…."

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Elsewhere in the lands of the Elemental Countries, a great evil had begun to awaken…

Two shadowed figures stood around a dark pit that seemed to descend into the bowels of the earth. Large black crystals littered the dark cave, giving it an eerie purple glow.

It was slow, but a dark red light began to emit from the depths of the pit until the entire cave exploded with crimson light.

Each crystal began to react in turn as a different arcane symbol appeared in each and pulsed with power as if welcoming their long-lost master…

A dark, ominous laughter arose, seeming to come from the glow itself. "**At last…after ten thousand years, I am free!! And now, it is time to conquer Kon-**"

"Umm…actually Master, it's only been about five years since you went back to sleep…" one of the figures said, cutting off the ominous red glow's diabolical statement of malcontent.

"Remember? After the whole massacre thing? And you're barely over a hundred, why'd you say 'after ten-thousand years'?" asked the other, as a man with an orange swirl mask emerged from the light, flailing his arms wildly at the two.

"DAMN IT!! You fools ruined my dramatic entrance into the story!!" screamed the orange masked man.

"Sorry master…"

"Ugh…whatever, I don't have time to kill you fools now. I think of a proper punishment later…"

Both servants let out a tight breath. Their master was known for some rather…twisted punishments.

"Now then…where are my legions of fangirls?" he asked, looking around. "Are they hiding to surprise me?" he asked in an excited voice, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

The two figures sweatdropped as their master looked behind multiple crystals and boulders, lifting a few up in the process.

"….you want to tell him or should I?"

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Back on the outskirts of Fire Country, both females slowly blinked their eyes as the light faded, wondering just what the hell was going on…and that's when they saw it.

Surrounded by an aura of forest green chakra was the head of a man…a giant head of a man…a giant translucent head of a man…

A GIANT FLOATING SEE-THROUGH HEAD OF THE SHODAIME HOKAGE!!

"**I AM THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD OF THE SHODAIME HOKAGE!!"**

See, what I tell you?

As Tsunade slowly turned to look between the Giant Floating Head that claimed to be her grandfather, and the sake bottle in her hand a few time, a look of utter horror crossed her face…

"Shizune!" she exclaimed, turning and gripping the girl's shoulders as she looked her straight in the eye, "Do you see this too?" asked Tsunade with the utmost seriousness.

With a solid nod from her assistant, Tsunade let out a tight breath she had been holding, "Oh thank Kami…I thought I would have to give up drinking for a moment."

"Huh?" was all that Shizune could say as she watched her teacher take a rather large downer of the sake, "But, I thought you just said-"

"I said, FOR A SECOND there, I thought I was gonna have ta give up drinking." she said, throwing the empty bottle aside and pulling a full one out of who knows where. "But if that thing is really here, I need ta be a lot more wasted befur it starts talken again..."

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(Several days later, among the dunes of Wind Country's vast desert)

"**THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD DOES NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THE BLONDE WOMAN DOES NOT JUST FLOAT TO SUNAGAKURE!?"**

"For the hundredth time, you floating freak, WE DON'T FLOAT!!" screamed Shizune in rage and frustration. The sun was hot, sand was getting in every crevice she had, and now she finally understood why her master has never gone into Wind Country before…it was Hell. (the real reason being the bet she lost to the Daimyo of Wind Country several years ago…)

"**The Giant Floating Head is not a freak! The Giant Floating Head is the Giant Floating Head!!"**

Check that, this was worse than Hell.

"Oh for the love of Kami, shut the fuck up or I swear I'll use the Shizune-Crusher to beat you again!!"

Silence.

"Well then, umm…Tsunade-sama, why are we heading to Suna again?" asked Shizune with trepidation.

"We're heading to Suna because my hallucination over there hasn't let me sleep for three days and won't stop yelling about Bijuu Rangers until I find them." said Tsunade as she leaped over another sand dune.

**"THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD IS NOT A HALLUCINATION!! THE GIA-"**

"SHUT UP!!" screamed both women in a scary unison.

A frightening glint suddenly entered Tsunade's eyes, "That's it! SIC HIM, TONTON!!"

"...ummm, Tsunade-sama, pigs don't-" Whatever Shizune was about to say was cut off as Tsunade grabbed TonTon by the vest and hurled her at the floating head at sonic speeds.

The Hokage Head widened his eyes in fright. **"WAA!! NOOOOOOO!! Do not throw pink mammals at The Giant Floating Head! The Giant Floating Head is not a…"**

"BWEEEEEEEEE!!" TonTon squealed in sheer fright as it connected with the Head...

And passed through it.

And kept going.

Tsunade blinked as TonTon disappeared into the horizon. "Fuck…now, back to what I was saying, to find the Bijuu means I need Jinchuuriki-"

"No, my TonTon!!" Shizune cried in dismay, twin trails of tears running down her face.

"-and I only know about three Jinchuuriki." the Sannin continued, ignoring her assistant's cries. "One in Suna, one in Kumo, and one in…well…we'll get to that one later."

A moment later, the Hidden Village of Sand came into view at long last.

"**YES!! THIS PLEASES THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD GREATLY! ONWARD, MY SERVANTS! ONWARD TO COLLECT OUR FIRST RANGER!!"**

"He did not just say that, did he?"

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Meanwhile, in Konoha...

"Sasuke-kun! Please go out with me!" cried Sakura as she glomped Sasuke while waiting for Kakashi to arrive for their Genin Test.

"_Damn that one-eyed bastard! Why did he have to leave me with the crazy pink bitch…makes me want to go missing nin…"_ thought Sasuke as he said, "Pfft, I'll do that when pigs fly."

"BWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

"Was that…a flying pig?" asked Sakura as stars lit up in her eyes.

"…I swear, if Naruto was behind that…" muttered Sasuke staring up at the pig as it flew past. He glanced sideways at Sakura.

"...I'm still not dating you..."

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(Back at the outskirts of Sunagakure…)

"Alright, one down and two to go!" yelled Tsunade, pumping a fist into the air as she walked triumphantly with her companions (and an extra-large bottle of sake) after a good night's sleep.

"**Yes! The Giant Floating Head is pleased, First Servant! Now on to the next Ranger! …Third Servant, why is it taking you so long?!" **

"Third Servant? Why the hell am I third? And why am I going with you in the first place again?" asked Gaara as he twirled a strange kunai with an orange jewel in it between his fingers and flipped through a manga with his other hand.

With a evil glint in her eye, Tsunade slowly turned towards Gaara while using her left arm to prop up her 'assets' "Oh? Have you forgotten already, my little Otaku? Now come along willingly…or else." she said in a fake-sweet voice.

With an audible gulp, Gaara merely nodded and returned to his manga, making Tsunade smirk happily as she walked in front of the group. "Now there are only two left! On to Kumo!!"

"But Tsunade-sama, Kumo is weeks away…why not go get the other one since its clos…"

"**SILENCE!! THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD HAS THE ANSWER! IT IS THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD'S MOST INGENIOUS IDEA YET!!"**

"Oh kami…not another one…" groaned Tsunade as she turned with slight fear in her eyes.

"**BEHOLD!!" **cried the head as its eyes began to glow an eerie white, **"NOW! SUPER-ULTRA-FLOATING-HEAD-TELEPORT-POWERS GO!!"**

"Tele-wha?" was the last thing any of the three would say before four streaks of light shot across the sky.

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In a dark cave, a masked man stared intently into a pale crystal. As he gazed into it's depths, it was clear he was using it's powers to watch the group of four before they disappeared into streaks of light.

"**So that damn head is on the move already…but he doesn't realize how far a-HEAD of him I am…" **

"Oh kami...he's making puns again..." groaned one cloaked figure to the other, his face buried in his hands as their leader stood atop a large rock, laughing manically into the sky.

The other men nodded "Yeah, but he pays more an hour then we could make in any village…besides he has free booze…and it helps make the puns funnier…well, tolerable." he added, taking another long swig.

"**Minions! Dispatch a monster to Konoha immediately! We must destroy the last known Jinchuuriki before they can reach it!! Do it for evil! Do it for darkness!!"**

Both figures shared a glance before raising their bottles, "Do it for the booze!!" screamed both figures before disappearing in black smoke.

The masked man sweatdropped slightly. _**"Note to self: find new hiding place for the good stuff…minions keep drinking while on the clock…"**_

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"…_urgaaa…what happened?"_ was the first thought that traveled through Gaara's mind as he attempted to move,_ "And why am I all wet? Last thing I remember is walking in the desert with those two kunoichi and the head…and then-"_

"**No time to think now, cub…if you don't move soon, we'll both be dead!!"**

"_Wha-Shukaku? You can talk to me now?! NOOOOOO I'LL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN!! Oh…wait…"_

"**That's right, you don't sleep anyway. But for now, get off your emo-otaku ass or we'll be skinned alive by kunoichi!!"**

"Huh? No one has ever wounded me? And why would Kunoi-"

"**One: you are all wet so my sand is useless! And two: that damn head dropped you into the FEMALE side of the Kumo ANBU's ONSEN!!"**

Finally, as Gaara regained his senses, he felt the decent of the massive killing intent wash over him. With a shaky hand and an even shakier resolve, he turned his head to see a sight that would remain in his memory for ages once he looked back on it…but for now, all he could focus on was the many weapons the nude females bared…

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A few minutes later, Yugito stood in front of the three of them, arms crossed and tapping one foot. "So….feel like explaining why you three magically appeared in my ba-STOP STARING AT MY CHEST, YOU PERVERT!!" she roared at Gaara, who jumped slightly, turning his eyes away from her and into his manga as fast as he was able.

Tsunade sighed as she rubbed her forehead, sensing a headache coming. "Alright…this is going to sound very odd, and you may not believe it at first, but we-"

"**SILENCE!! The Giant Floating Head requests that you join the Bijuu Rangers, who will use their Bijuu powers to defeat a great evil and protect the people of the world!!" **the floating apparition shouted as it suddenly appeared directly in front of the female Jinchuuriki, cutting off the Med-nin's explanation.

Yugito stared at the Head with a blank look on her face as Tsunade groaned and rolled her eyes. _"Great, she probably thinks we're insa-"_

"I accept!" Yugito exclaimed suddenly, causing the other three ninja to facevault to the ground.

"Are you serious?! You're going to join, just like that?" Shizune asked the kunoichi in shock.

Yugito gave a sharp nod, a serious gleam in her eye. "Of course! We Jinchuuriki must band together to face the great evil and protect this world, for we are the only ones with the power to do so!"

Tsunade cried silently into her hands. "I'm surrounded by crazy people…AGAIN!!" she mumbled as the Head let out a booming laugh.

"**Excellent! The Giant Floating Head welcomes you to the Bijuu Rangers…as the Yellow Ranger!"**

As Yugito stood at attention and saluted the Giant Floating Head, and Gaara turned a page in his manga laughing to himself, Shizune and Tsunade looked over at each other, the exact same thought passing through both their heads.

"_What the hell have we gotten ourselves into?"_

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AN

**DF:** I'm sure a lot of you are asking the same question, but hey, we did warn you this was a crack fic.

**RoK:** Hell, the title alone should have told you that.

**DF:** Anyway, the reasons behind Gaara's OOC-ness will be explained in the next chapter, along with a lot more questions I'm sure you have…

**RoK:** Like "What the hell were you two thinking?"

**DF:** Right. And just so you know, the Jinchuuriki in this fic won't be the same as cannon ones(excluding Naruto, Gaara and Yugito).

**RoK: **So see you next chapter, and remember: its only gonna get crazier from here..


	2. Chapter 2

…**3**

…**2**

…**1**

**Go-Go Bijuu Rangers!!!**

**You Mighty Morphin' Bijuu Rangers!**

**From the twisted mind of: DarkFayt**

**Written by: Rageofkyubii **

**Co-Authored by: DarkFayt **

**MIAES (Man in an expensive suit): **For legal reasons the authors of "Bijuu Rangers" have been asked not to give any statements at this time. Thank you…

**ROK:** In other words DF got us sued again when he wouldn't take the hint from that red head…

**DF:** Fuck off dude…

**MIAES:** Hu-humm…

**DF/ROK:** Gomen Miaes. It won't happen again.

**MIAES:** Damn right it won't.

**DF/ROK: **Teme…

**MIAES:** (Glares)

**DF:** (Trips ROK) RUN AWAY!!!

**ROK:** (on the ground) You're just making things worse for yourself!

"Talking"

"_Thinking"_

"**Monster/Distorted Talking"**

"_**Monster/Distorted Thinking"**_

* * *

**Last time on The young and the Res…Oh wait, wrong job. Last time on Mighty Morphin Bijuu Rangers!!! **(**RoK:** Don't ask...)

"_I accept!" Yugito exclaimed suddenly, causing the other three ninja to face vault to the ground._

"_Are you serious?! You're going to join, just like that?" Shizune asked the kunoichi in shock._

_Yugito gave a sharp nod, a serious gleam in her eye. "Of course! We Jinchuuriki must band together to face the great evil and protect this world, for we are the only ones with the power to do so!"_

_Tsunade cried silently into her hands. "I'm surrounded by crazy people…AGAIN!!!" she mumbled as the Head let out a booming laugh._

"_Excellent! The Giant Floating Head welcomes you to the Bijuu Rangers… As the Yellow Ranger!"_

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"**Cuuurrrsessssssssssss!!!!"** cried Madara as he smashed the crystal he was using to watch our heroes.

"Hey, I was watching that…" one of the shadowed men from before said, swallowing his popcorn.

"**They've acquired another Ranger…I must destroy the next one before they reach him…"**

"Um…master?" tentatively asked the other hooded man.

"**What is it minion #1? Can't you see I'm doing an evil monologue here?"** said Madara as he was holding a large piece of wood with a single nail sticking through it.

"What, we don't even deserve names? Just minion #1 and #2? Can you even tell us apart with our hoods up?" snipped the second minion.

"**Um, yes…of course I can! I am the great Madara! My Sharingan tells me all!"** Madara exclaimed, posing dramatically.

"Right…well, you tried that same thing with the last two, and the monsters got there too late…since we've already failed to stop them, maybe we should, I don't know, go after different ones…there are supposed to be like nine of these guys, aren't there?" suggested Minion One.

"Yes! We'll take out the ones they haven't gotten yet while they go after the next one!" exclaimed Minion Two, giving a thumbs up.

"I've got a better idea! Not all the Jinchuuriki can be goody-two-shoes like this last one was! The one from Suna used to be a mass murdering psychopath!" responded Minion One.

"So… we try and turn them into crazy people?"

"No, dumbass! We can make them our allies against the Bijuu Ranger! They can be our force to block them!"

"Who you calling a dumbass, dumbass?"

"You, Dumbass!" yelled Minion ONE, getting in Minion Two's face.

Minion Two snarled. "You're the dumbass!"

"**Excuse me…"** Madara said impatiently.

"NO, you are!"

"You!"

"You!'

"**Hello? Evil Leader talking here…."** the masked man tried again.

"YOU!"

"YOU!"

"YO-"

"**SILENCE, YOU FOOLS!"** Madara screamed, making the two men and hug each other in fear. **"I have thought of a fantastic plan! Not all the Jinchuuriki can be allied with the forces of light so we shall bring them over to our side…the dark side!"**

"Wasn't that my idea?" Minion One asked to no one in particular.

Minion Two stayed silent.

"**And this group of evil rangers,"** said Madara, acting like he didn't hear anything, **"shall be called…the Bijuu Force!!! Budwawawawawawawawa !!!"**

After blinking his glowing red eyes several times, Minion One spoke, "Ouch, master…just ouch."

"**Huh? What's your problem?"** asked their leader, staring down at the two (who for some reason were still clutching each other) in confusion.

Minion One released the other and crossed his arms in a pout. "Its not like you don't already HAVE a force to help you…"

"**Aww, don't be like that…"** Madara said, patting One's back slightly. **"C'mon…who's my number one guy, huh? Who's my number one?"**

Minion Two raised his hand slightly. "Umm, speaking of number one…when Master yelled, I kinda…" he trailed off, pointing at his pants.

The Uchiha sweatdropped and went to find a change of pants. **"Geez, is anyone having a worse day than me?"**

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"Hey, wait! You guys aren't seriously leaving me tied here, are you?! WELL?!" screamed Naruto as he watched the retreating backs of his new teammates and Sensei.

"Dammit, here I go and set everything up for us to pass Sensei's stupid teamwork test, and I'm the one stuck to the log…didn't those two learn anything?" Naruto grunted to himself as he began to reach for a kunai, _"My life is just crap lately…first I've got to play Mr. Dumb Shit for the last 5 years or else the teachers pick on me. THEN I have to deal with the villagers. And to top it all off, now I have to deal with Sasuke the Emo-Bitch and Little Miss Mental Disorder on my ass every day…well, at least hanging around Sakura kept the other Sasuke-zombies from trying to pound me for 'daring to oppose the wonderful Sasuke…' Speaking of that, what's she saying now?" _thought Naruto as he strained his impressive hearing.

"But it was flying, Sasuke-kun! F-L-Y-I-N-G…You can't say that it doesn't mean anything to you! It's a sign; a sign that we're meant to be together!"

"Or that too much bullshit gas came out of you and took solid form." murmured Sasuke under his breath.

"Ara? Did you say something, Sasuke-kun?"

"Hrmm…"

"Well, you can't deny the signs Sasuke-kun. We're meant for each other." Sakura exclaimed, her eyes big, bright and shiny as she went into daydream-mode.

"For the last time, NO! I don't care even if a…I don't know, a giant log monster fell on me! I still wouldn't date you!" Sasuke yelled, though Sakura was already too far gone n her own fantasy to hear him.

"_Note to self: build log monster to payback Sasuke for leaving my ass here…but first, escape. Man, do I wish they had taught jutsu for this."_ Naruto thought, still struggling with his bindings.

Just then, a small black crystal flew through the sky before imbedding itself deep in the log just above where his head sat.

"Ok…glowing crystal…glowing _black_ crystal…fell from the sky…this can't be good." said Naruto as the log he was tied to began to glow an eerie green.

"Definitely not good" was all Naruto could say before a burst of green light overtook the clearing.

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"**See that, Number Two!?! Do you see?! I told you a log monster would be able to destroy the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki!"**

"Umm, my lord…the log monster can't reach him." said Number One.

As Madara looked in horror at his viewing crystal, he could indeed see that the slim claws of his rather small wooden monster could not reach the prone form of Uzumaki Naruto that was tied securely to its back.

"I think you threw the crystal in backwards…"

"**Backwards?! It's a damn crystal, there IS NO BACKWARDS!!!" **Madara yelled, throwing the evil villain equivalent to a hissy-fit.

"You made it backwards…" commented Number Two, "The mouth was supposed to appear right where he was tied so the monster could just swallow him. Chalk up another one for Mr. 'Tobi's a Good B-'"

**BOOM!!!**

As Number One turned to look down from the wall he had jumped and clung to in fright, he saw the dark figure of Madara holding a rather nasty looking cylinder of some kind pointed in the direction of where Number Two had been standing, whose headless body was now lodged in-between two rather large crystals some distance away.

"**Anything to add, Number One?" **asked Madara as he held his metallic cylinder menacingly.

"Nope…not a thing, Master!"

"**Good…deploy a squad of Tubbies to Konoha. Number Two's screw-up with the monster is a setback, but not one we can't recover from!"**

Without a word, a rather large tan-colored bird appeared behind Number One in the shadows of the hall before he disappeared through a hole in the ceiling.

"**Excellent…soon victory will be mine!!! BWA-HAHAHAHA!"**

"You know, you could have just ordered the monster to cut the ropes holding the boy and THEN had it eat him…" said the smoking head of Number Two as it rolled towards its body.

"…**I could of what now?"**

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As the enraged log monster continued to thrash about the training field, with its glowing yellow eyes and strange jagged limbs, Naruto couldn't help but say what was on his mind.

"Ok, this day just went from bad to WTF?"

"GRRRRAGGRRARARARARRRRRR!!!"

"Oh shut up already! You've been doing that for the past 3 hours now…" Naruto shouted, kicking at the monster as he continued to struggle.

Just as Naruto finished his sentence, he was certain he had finally had one too many sour milk and was having some form of seizure. For nothing else could properly explain the sight he now saw.

"**SILENCE STRANGE LOG MON STER!!! FOR I AM THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD!!!"**

"Uuuuurrrrr?"

"I'm with you, log buddy…"

"**THERE IS NO NEED TO FEAR, UZUMAKI NARUTO; JINCHUURIKI OF THE 9 TAILED FOX! THE GIANY FLAOTING HEAD IS HERE TO ASSIST YOU ON YOUR WAY TO BECOMING A BIJUU RANGER!" **the strange floating head bellowed in a stupidly confident voice as it seemed to by trying to strike a pose.

"Um…dwah?" was all he could say before a giant cloud of smoke exploded over the field, two figures appearing in its center. As the smoke cleared, the figures were revealed to be wearing what appeared to be orange and yellow spandex suits with some sort of matching helmet masks. This though was not what caught his attention…it was the horrifying posses they were trying to make.

Suddenly, in perfectly sequenced voices, they spoke "We are the Bijuu Rangers, and we are here to protect the ninja world from the forces of…"

"Um…who are we fighting anyway?" asked the orange-colored one in a deep male voice, glancing at his partner.

The yellow one clenched a fist in front of herself, standing proudly. "The forces of evil, what else?" she said in a dramatic voice.

"But what evil is that? There's a shitload of evil in the world. Robbers, missing-nin, the FCC…do we fight for the environment or something?"

"That's a good idea too! Superheroes should be interested in helping the planet! …but I thought this was more the 'evil villain wants to enslave humanity' type of thing?"

"WILL SOMEONE EITHER CUT ME DOWN OR KILL ME ALREADY!!! I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS SHIT!"

The two fell silent, the only sound in the clearing being light creaking of the log monster as it swayed back in forth with the wind.

"**THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD THINKS YOU NEED TO LEARN SOME MANNERS! THAT IS NO WAY TO SPEAK TO ONE WHO HAS COME TO RESCUE YOU!"**

Slowly but surely, a small twitch begins in the corner of Naruto's eye, "I have been tied to this log since lunch, then for the last 3 hours I've been tied to a log MONSTER, and now I'm staring at a large-"

"**GIANT."**

"Wha-?"

"**THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD IS THE 'GIANT' FLOATING HEAD! NOT LARGE."**

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Right…you know what? I just don't care at this point. Please, go ahead and help me. I'll just be trying to wiggle close enough to one of these claws so I can end this."

"This guys kind of morbid, isn't he?" the orange-clad Gaara asked the other Ranger, jerking his thumb in the direction of the struggling Naruto.

"I heard you weren't rainbows and sunshine either at first." replied Yugito as she faced him, hands fisted on her hips. "Besides, meeting the 'Head' over there for the first time is traumatic enough without the monster being involved."

"Umm, I know I was a bloodthirsty killer twisted by the murmurings of his deranged demon and all…but this dude is trying to chew through his own shoulder." said Gaara, sweatdropping slightly.

The two rangers turned toward the direction of their rescue target to reveal that he was indeed chewing on his arm, already through his jacket and working on the steel mesh below.

"Um…Orange, can you do something about that?" Yugito asked Gaara as she cringed, seeing the first hole forming in the steel mesh.

"I'm not sure…I'm used to just crushing things with my sand, but I suppose I could stop at holding something." Gaara said, bringing his hands up and focusing on the monster.

"Just don't blame me if you hear a squish…"

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"**What are those fools doing?!"** cried Madara as he watched his log monster being coveredd and held to the ground by a large wave of sand that seemed to explode from the nearby riverbed.

"It looks like the Orange Ranger can control sand and is using it to hold your monster until the yellow one can free the Jinchuuriki…oh look, she just did." said Number Two, appearing from a back room through a sliding crystal door,

Madara turned back to gaze into his crystal yet again and saw, to his horror, that the Yellow Ranger had in fact freed Uzumaki.

"**GRRRAAAAAA!!!!! WHERE IS NUMBER ONE WITH THE TUBBIES?! He should have been there by now!" **the masked man shouted, flailing his arms wildly.

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Elsewhere, in the skies above Yuki no Kuni…

"Where the hell am I???" Number One shouted, staring down at the ground below from his giant clay bird.

He crossed his arms and closed his eyes in thought. "There shouldn't be snow in Hi no Kuni! I flew straight south from the base, it's not like Konoha is small. It covers half the continent, for Kami's sake! ...maybe I shouldn't have taken that nap ten minutes into the flight." He stayed still for a few more moments before falling to his knees and crying heavily as he threw his head back, shouting into the sky.

"MASTER, YOUR NUMBER ONE IS LOST!!! SAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

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Back with our hero (even if it's against his will…)

"Ok look, its not that I'm not grateful for you for stopping the log monster and cutting the ropes…" Naruto said to Yellow(they still refused to tell him their names, dammit!) as he fought to keep the monster's mouth open, "but could you get Spandex Boy over there to let up with the sand blanket already?" asked Naruto, jerking his head at Gaara as he was now attached to the front of the wooden creature, only now he was being held there by sand. "This is kinda worse then where I was to begin with!"

"Um, believe me, we'd like to. But if we let you go, we'd have to let the monster go and we don't have a way to stop it yet…" said the Yellow Ranger, sweatdropping slightly from her spot next to the Orange Ranger.

"…"

"**BE NOT AFRAID, THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD IS HERE!!!"**

"YOU'VE BEEN HERE THE ENTIRE TIME AND ALL YOU"VE DONE IS SPOUT GIBBERISH!" Naruto shouted at the Head, face red with anger.

"Look, Blondie I'm doing the best I can but this thing is pretty strong for how small it is. I have to move you away slowly in order to maintain the pressure needed to keep it in check." responded the Orange Ranger as he was visible shaking from the effort in trying to move Naruto away from the monster. "And hurling insults at me is NOT a good way to get me to concentrate on that!" he added in a annoyed tone.

"Sooooo I'm just supposed to lay here and what? Paitently wait and make conversation with Woody here?" Naruto snapped back, moving his head to the side as the log monster attempted to take his head off.

"**THAT IS CORRECT, YELLOW-HEADED ORANGE BOY! PATIENCE IS ONE OF THE MANY VIRTUES ONE MUST CARRY TO BE CALLED A 'BIJUU RANGER'!!! THINK OF THIS AS A TEST TO FURTHER YOUR FUTURE SKILLS AS ONE OF US!!!"**

Naruto turned his head slowly to stare at the floating….thing, a tick appearing on his forehead as his pupils seemed to get thinner. "Ok…log monster, I can accept. Strange people in spandex suit claiming to be trying rescue me…alright. Giant disembodied head talking to me…I'm just gonna ignore that for now, but now you're telling me I'm expected to join this band of costumed crazies?"

The floating head smiled eagerly as the Yellow Ranger nodded proudly along with him, the Orange Ranger smacking himself in the face with his hand. "I get the feeling he shouldn't have told him that…" Gaara said as the ground started shaking slightly.

"Ok, yeah…I don't think so. **KYUUBI**!!!" Naruto suddenly shouted, causing Yugito's and Gaara's faces paled behing their masks. "If there is anything that connects us other then this damn seal, you sure as hell must be as pissed off about this as me! So wake your fuzzy ass up and do something about it!!!"

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In a dark sewer-like area, a single red eye appeared behind a large cage.

"**URRRRMRMMMMRMM…noisy brat…demon lords need their beauty sleep too. ….now my fur will never lay down right."**

* * *

**RoK:** DarkFayt, would you like to explain why the chapter took this long?

**DF:** .......

**RoK:** Or why we had to cut the chapter here instead of saving the rest for the start of chapter 3?

**DF:** Alright already...

**RoK:** Or the fact that your comp-

**DF:** SHUT IT!!!

**RoK:** ~shrugs lightly~ Hey man, its not my fault you-

**DF:** GAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! ~head explodes~

**RoK:** …..huh. Well, this might take awhile. See you next chapter.

**DF's headless body:** Hurry up and fix me! ~flails arms, fuming~

**RoK:** Yeah, yeah…..~grabs stapler, muttering~ …stupid freakin' author immortality.


	3. Chapter 3

…**3**

…**2**

…**1**

**Go-Go Bijuu Rangers!!!**

**You Mighty Morphin' Bijuu Rangers!**

**From the twisted mind of: DarkFayt**

**Forced into Existence by: Rageofkyubii**

**Written by: DarkFayt**

**Rewritten and Edited by: Rageofkyubii **

**Co-Authored by: DarkFayt **

(If you can't tell, we're seeing who can get their name on here the most…I'm winning!)

(RoK: Wait, what?)

"Talking"

"_Thinking"_

"**Monster/Distorted Talking"**

"_**Monster/Distorted Thinking"**_

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_(Last time on Bijuu Rangers!!!)_

_As Naruto slowly blinked it was as if a fire light In his eyes, "Ok…log monster I can accept. Strange people in spandex suit claiming to rescue me…alright. Giant disembodied head talking to me is starting to stretch me limits but now you're telling me I have to join your band of spandex wearers?"_

_As the two rangers and the floating head nod slowly unsure of what kind of force they might be unleashing by answering the question._

"_Ok…no, KYUUBI!!! If there is anything that connects us other then this damn seal you must be as pissed off about this as me! So get off your fuzzy ass and do something!!!" _

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"_**URRRRMRMMMMRMM…noisy brat…"**_

_(And now back to our story…)_

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As our hero finally came down from his pissed-off heights, he couldn't help but notice…nothing…nothing at all had changed. No explosion of power or giant fox enraged and chasing the freaks surrounding him… no amazing power from within manifesting itself for the first time ever to the surprise of all…nothing.

"Well I guess that was a little bit too much to hope for…12 years with the fox and it's never shown itself, so why now…Ok, Loggy go ahead…Loggy?" asked Naruto as he turned his head to look back at the log monster.

"Ooookay…why is Woody so quiet…and not moving? Actually, why isn't anything moving?"

"**That would be my doing, brat…"**

"Wa-who's there?"

"**You called me, so don't start playing that…" **growled the voice as a horse-sized Kyuubi appeared before the shocked Naruto.

"Wha-how-why?"

"**Quite articulate, aren't you? Let me just cut to the chase; you and your wonderful soprano voice woke me from a very nice nap only to see this…" **said Kyuubi as he used his tails to call attention to the scene around them, **"And yes, I was even more pissed off then you can imagine. Being sealed in a human is degrading enough, but I will not allow myself to fall into…into this HORROR!!!"**

"Ok, I get that and I totally agree. There is no way I'm going anywhere with that ghost head, but I'd rather not get eaten by the log either so get me out already!!!"

The Kyuubi looked as if in deep thought for a moment before he said, **"I…can't."**

Naruto, for his part, was still…save for a small twitch above his eyebrow upon hearing this. "You're right there, so why not?" he questioned in barely-suppressed anger.

"**When you called out to me I only had two options to contact you. Number one, knock you unconscious and bring you into the seal, or number two…this."**

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In two separate parts of the world, two certain henchmen sneezed, one being blown off his clay bird, and the other blowing his own head off.

"Sonofa-"

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"And what exactly is this? No one's moving but us and I can't hear anything…"

"**If I had knocked you unconscious, time would have passed while we discussed this and there was a chance you could be killed…or worse, the head could have done something like gone inside your head to talk to me," **Kyuubi let out a violent shudder, ** "so I went with option two."**

"AND WHAT THE ASTERICK-AMPHERSAN-NUMBERSIGN IS OPTION 2?!?!"

"**Two words, anger…management."**

"GGRARARRARARRARAARARARAR!!!!!!!!!!"

"**Okay, scary shit there…Simply put, I advanced your senses far past what mortals can comprehend, so time is flowing normally, it's just that your perception of it is so god-like that we are having this conversation in the span of nano-seconds."**

"Ok, good, great, hunky-dory, but that still doesn't answer the original question of why you can't untie me!" Naruto growled out, trying to wiggle free again.

"**You damn baka…I'm not really here! This is just an image of myself that I created so you would feel more comfortable then just having ANOTHER voice in your head!"**

"Oh…thanks, I guess…three is enough as it is." Naruto said with a sigh. "….so what are we doing again?"

"**Damn humans…"**

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Elsewhere…

"**What is this?"** asked the figure in the darkened cave, **"It seems the bijuu is moving on its own…but that shouldn't be possible. Of all the Bijuu, the Kyuubi is held by the strongest seal. I was sure even the Head would have difficulties creating the Nine-Tails Ranger, but it's clear that there is large amounts of energy at work. Perhaps I've found MY first Ranger!!!"**

"No respect just no respect…master takes credit for the Bijuu Force idea, then locks up all the booze during work hours, and now I get bathroom duty because stupid Number One gets sent on a mission…" Number Two's head muttered as his body scrubbed a rather rusty-looking toilet.

"**Did you say something, Number Two?" **asked the swirl-masked leader in an ominous voice.

"No, nothing just saying how clean the toilets will be when I'm done!" he answered in a nervous laugh before sighing as he watched his body reach for a plunger. "This is some nasty shit…"

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As Naruto lay there, staring at the ethereal Kyuubi, he couldn't help but wonder if he should have taken Mizuki's offer…

"Ok…that was uncalled for, so how about we meet each other halfway? I'll stop asking stupid questions, and you just get me the hell out of here in whatever way you can, ne?"

"**That would be perfect, but it doesn't work that way." **the fox answered.** "The seal won't allow me to act unless you allow me to, and you saying 'oh save me from the scary blue-tinted head, O Mighty and Powerful Demon Fox' isn't enough."**

Naruto arched an eyebrow at Kyuubi. "…your mind snapped from prolonged solitude long ago, didn't it?"

"**At any rate…" **Kyuubi continued, ignoring the interruption. **"You have to know fully well what I'm doing and then consciously allow it."**

"You know, these 'seal rules' are starting to piss me off…"

"**Good for you, they've been pissing me off for thirteen years now. Simply put, there are only three way you can use my power or for me to act."** the fox said, holding up three tails for Naruto to see.** "One, you get so damn pissed off that I take over your mind and use you as a puppet…"**

"Wrong, try again…"

"**Two, you let that 'Giant Floating Freak' run into your head and toss me around until I submit to you, and him, which makes you a Bijuu Ranger like the others only that freak has free run of your mind whenever he likes and of course me hating you for the rest of eternity…"**

"Strike two on letting the freak bounce around my head…besides, you already hate me."

"**No arguments here. Lastly, you and I agree to disagree and create the power of a Bijuu Ranger on our own."**

"Sounds the best of the three, but what's the catch? You have got to be getting something out of this as well…"

"**In a way, I'll be free and you'll be trapped."**

"Kyuubisaywhatnow?" Naruto asked, blinking in confusion.

"**To put it simply, you take my power for your own and I get the fuck out of here. Every time you use my power to morph into a Ranger, I get to leave the seal in my body for however long you're transformed, albeit far weaker."**

"And you expect me to let you loose to destroy things every time I transform…"

"**And what danger would I be if you have all my chakra, baka? I'll be a ten story ball of fur. Other then having a wicked bite and amazing fighting skills, I'll be a very big noise maker."**

"It can't be that simple. You'd never leave yourself that vulnerable."

"**And what are my alternatives? Get mindfucked by that flying thing over there or die with you via wood? Yeah, I so have options here…look, normally the Rangers draw on their Bijuu like a battery. They forgo using any of their own chakra and completely rely on the Bijuu, but because the Bijuu is being forced into it they can barely draw on half the power their Bijuu actually possesses, even with it being docile because of the Head."**

"So since you'd be giving your power willingly, I'd be more powerful then the others?"

"**Far more. All nine of my tails would be at your command, and all I ask is that you allow me access to my own powers every now and again for some…fun. With your approval, of course."**

"I knew there was a catch, you just want out so you can escape!" the blond ninja shouted, glaring at the demon.

"**Look, when I'm inside the seal, I'm in control; but once my mind and body is outside and you're transformed, you're in complete control. We're going to be together a long time, brat, so we might as well try and get along. Everything that's made me the 'All Powerful Demon Lord' I am is what I'm handing you on a silver platter, and all I'm asking is a little fun every now and again!" **

Naruto was quiet for a moment as he replayed the Kyuubi's words _"Its that 'little fun' that bother me…." _He looked Kyuubi in the eye and asked, "How long are we talking here?"

Kyuubi looked thoughtful for a moment, **"Until you die taking me with you or I find a way to stab you in the back and escape I suppose."**

"_I expected that much…at least he's honest…"_hethought with a mental shrug. "So what's it like to use your full power?"

"**Lets see…powers humans can't even comprehend. To shape and control time, space, and reality. Doing anything you want, going anywhere you want, learning whatever interests you over the span of time eternal, and being a forever young stud chasing new tail every decade or so…it rocks." **he said in a nostalgic voice.** "Until a blond ant summons the greatest bitch in existence and shoves you into the belly of a blonde retard…" **he added, muttering to himself.

Naruto stared at the fox in slight disbelief before dropping his head. "Why do I always have to deal with the perverts…." he complained, sighing heavily.

The Kyuubi glared slightly at his container. **"Tell you what, you go into complete and utter isolation for 12 years and see what YOU think about! Besides, I know how you think about that one fe-"**

"Okay, okay!" Naruto said, holding up his hands in surrender. "Just give me the power so when can get out of here already!"

"**What, no 'pretty please with sugar on top'?"**

Naruto eye twitched heavily. "…"

"**And here I though you were the one with a sense of humor…"** Kyuubi muttered as a large red glow enveloped them both.

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(Back in Madara's cave)

"**What is that infernal red light coming from the boy?!" **screeched Madara as he watched his precious crystal crack before his eyes and explode, throwing him across his cave and impacting harshly with the wall. **"My eye! My beautiful Sharingan eye! I'm not suppose to get shards in it! AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"**

"You know what? I'm just gonna clock out for the day…" said Number Two as he dropped his broom and grabbing his head from the corner before walking away.

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As a red glow suddenly burst forth from Naruto, blinding all present, a giant gust of chakra-laced wind blew all parties a good ten feet away from the now small crater where Naruto once lay engulfed in sand.

Slowly, the large cloud of brown dust began to slowly blow away from the clearing as a few wisps of red chakra still turned and twisted through the air.

When Naruto finally came into view, it was as if nine tails of pure chakra exploded from the small of his back and began twisting around him in such intricate ways it was as if they were dancing.

As if on cue, the remains of his jacket and shirt exploded from the force of the chakra, the seal in his stomach seeming to burn into view. Small black markings began emerging from it, spreading over his body and covering everywhere but his head before forming a tight spandex suit.

Then, as if sensing the suit's appearance, the nine tails of chakra began wrapping around Naruto's body, forming pieces of crimson armor over the normal ranger suit. As the tails reached his legs, they burst into crimson flames, leaving dark crimson grieves with gold trim adorning his legs, leaving only his thighs visible as the tails that had reached his forearms left him with crimson gauntlets that ended just after his elbows.

Following that, two more tails wrapped around his chest as another adorned his waist forming a metal belt with what looked like two sword handles hanging from either side of his hips. The tails on his chest formed a piece of armor over his chest and shoulders in the same crimson and gold style, but strangely left his stomach area exposed before another tail wrapped around his neck. With a final burst of fire, a crimson helmet that almost looked like the head of an animal formed over his head, leaving one last tail swaying behind him.

No one in the clearing dared move until two red eyes seemed to blaze to life behind the dark black visor of the helmet.

It was an awesome sight to behold.

Slowly the new ranger turned to take stock of the others in the clearing. He ran his hands over his costume, examining his new look. _"Now this is what I'm talking about! I look freaking awesome!"_ Naruto thought excitedly.

"_**Naturally. You think I would have been around for as long as I have and not picked up an amazing sense of fashion?"**_ the fox asked, sounding a bit smug as he felt the need to inflate his own ego. _**"You don't give me enough credit, kit."**_

"_Kit?"_

"_**Call it my way of getting along. We may be partners but you have a long way before I'll call you my equal…"**_

"_I can live with that…so how long before you appear? I REALLY want to give this suit a test run!"_

"_**It will take me a little time to form my body again. Why not have some fun while you can? The log monster will give you a good chance to see what you can do while the last tail finishes up."**_

"_Sounds good to me…"_ After scanning the area and taking in the still shocked faces of everyone into account, Naruto grinned widely , letting out a laugh as he struck a heroic-looking pose, rolling his shoulders slightly. "Alright then, Log boy…" he said, turning to face the monster and making a "come and get me" motion with his hand and smirking. "Let's go wild!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

(With the Bijuu Rangers…)

"What the hell happened to him? He looks like a damn tank compared to the other rangers?!" hissed Tsunade not to hear a thing in return..

"Oh come ON!" asked Gaara, flailing his arms and stomping a foot down. "Why does he gets the ultra-cool transformation and costume while we get stuck looking like the sidekicks?" he demanded, pointing over at Naruto. "I was here first, I should get the better costume! That's how it works in manga!"

"Manga?" asked Yugito before shaking her head with a sigh as it looked like Gaara was about to explain. "Never mind, I don't want to know…but this is perfect! Our newest teammate has discovered the power of justice within himself and is ready to help defend the world!" she said in a confident voice, clenching her first in front of her face. "Evil stands no chance against the Bijuu Rangers!"

"What do we do, Tsunade-sama?" asked Shizune as she grabbed the blonde woman's shoulder, "There's something different about this one. He changed on his own and he defiantly doesn't look like the others…"

Tsunade could only grin as she watched Naruto stare down the wooden creature. "Let's just let him do whatever he's about to do. His little transformation blew the floating weirdo away for a bit, and I am damn sure going to enjoy the peace and quiet!"

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Naruto couldn't help but to lightly chuckle again hearing the others conversations. Apparently his helmet increased his senses far beyond what mere chakra could have ever done, and it even seemed to adjust automatically so not to overwhelm him. Even he had to admit he was having a horrible amount of fun watching the log monster squirming before him. It was as if the thing couldn't decide to bit him or bow to him.

"_This is a little weird now…I was supposed to be attacked by this thing, wasn't I?" _asked Naruto to himself not expecting an answer.

"_**You'd be surprised what a little flaunting of power can get you. This thing has very little, if any, real intelligence so it's most likely working off of instincts and orders. With my bad ass demonic aura surrounding you as armor it's probably trying to shit hickory right now…"**_Kyuubi answered, its voice seeming to swell with pride.

"_You're a bit full of yourself, aren't you?" _Naruto asked, momentarily distracted from the monster by the conversation._ "And thanks for the mental image. I think I have enough issues as it is, don't you?"_

Before the Kyuubi could respond, Naruto was struck hard in the side of his head by the log monster, who had taking advantage of his lax in attention and attacked. The blonde ninja skidded back a few feet as his head twisted violently to the side, not speaking at all. The log let out something sounding close to a laugh as he stepped forward again, swinging both arms over its head and down towards Naruto, intent on finishing him off.

The other two Rangers ran forward to help when, with a deafening crack, the log monster sailed across the field and collided harshly with a large tree, bringing it to a sudden halt/ At the same time, Naruto once again turned his head back to face the monster, rubbing the side of his neck where he had been struck. "Well that sucked, getting blindsided by a walking log and being caught off-guard like that. I was going for the whole bad-ass hero look too…stupid monster."

Naruto popped his neck slightly, tensing as he prepared to sprint at the log monster when…

"**Here comes the Giant Floating Head to save the day!!!" **the Head cried out, flying out of the trees at high speed and zeroing in on Naruto.

"OH CRAP!!!" Naruto exclaimed, eyes widening as he rocketed himself away from the floating projectile heading his way.

"**SILENCE! There is no need to fear the Giant Floating Head! The Giant Floating Head will make everything bet-"**

"FUCK THAT! You stay the hell away from me!" screamed Naruto in total fear as his chakra tail swung around to connect roughly with the floating head's gelatinous face, sending it careening into the log monster.

The log monster growled and swung its clawed arm at the Head, only for it to pass through harmlessly as the Head fly directly into it. The entire forest was dead silent as everyone stared at the log monster as it blinked stupidly, looking around in confusion.

"Ah hell…" both the yellow and orange Rangers muttered.

It was only a moment later that Naruto saw the log monster began to claw at itself, running around in circles and screaming in a high-pitched voice.

"Wow, maybe that was a little too harsh…" Naruto stated, watching as the log monster grabbed both sides of his head and began to pull…

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As Naruto stood over the slivers of the log monster, he couldn't help but let his transformation slip as his armor returned to bubbling red chakra that just seemed to be absorbed through his skin. It was one thing to deal with rangers, ghost-like disembodied heads, and ethereal demons, but watching a log scratch itself to death was the last straw for Naruto. He began to walk away, glancing down at himself and noticing he was only in his boxers_. "Note to self, find demon chakra-proof clothes…"_ he sighed mentally. Naruto was suddenly brought out of his thoughts when he felt a weight on his leg. He came to a stop and blinked before looking down to see the rather attractive blonde woman from earlier holding onto him for dear life.

"Welcome to the team, it's great to have you! Now how about you show me how you were able to hit that head?" asked Tsunade from her prone position, looking up at him with big shiny eyes in a way too sweet voice.

"Dwah?" was all Naruto could think to say, "Okay, not that having an insanely hot older woman hanging off me while I'm half-naked is a bad thing, but what the fuck is she talking about?" he asked, looking up at the others with a confused expression.

It was Shizune that answered the question as the other two Rangers seemed to be collecting the pieces of the monster into a small bag, the orange one muttering something about "sidekick duties". "She's…excited to have someone on the team that can deal with the Head. You're the first to be able to hurt him. Everything else just seems to pass through him…"

"We tried everything!" Tsunade exclaimed, seeming crying as she clutched Naruto's leg tighter. "Physical attacks, jutsus, pet pigs…"

"Wait, what?" Naruto asked, blinking.

"But you! You were able to hit him, even hurt him!" the blonde medic nin continued as if she hadn't heard him, nuzzling her cheek into his leg. "And now you're on the team, you can keep him in line."

The entire group sweatdropped as Tsunade continued to cling to his leg. "Sorry, she's had a stressful couple of days…" Shizune explained to Naruto, feeling a bit embarrassed at her friend's actions.

"Okay, not that that isn't flattering and all, but there is no way I'm going to stick around that head…so I'll just be going now. Ja ne!" finished Naruto as he disappeared in a puff of smoke leaving a slightly whimpering Tsunade.

"We finally find someone who can whack that freak for me, and he runs away the first chance he gets!" Tsunade cried, punching the ground in frustration. "What **ELSE** could possibly go wrong today?"

"**SILENCE!!!" **the head cried out, a large bump forming between his eyes. **"The Giant Floating Head has a boo-boo! Someone must come kiss it and make it better!"**

"We're fucked, aren't we Tsunade-sama?" asked Shizune as she lowered her head…

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AN

**RoK:** ~glares at DF~

**DF:** …..what?

**RoK:** Three and a half months.

**DF:** Huh?

**RoK:** I took you three and a half months to get the chapter to me so I could write my part.

**DF:** Hey, I have a good excuse for that!

**RoK:** ~arches eyebrow~ And that would be?

**DF:** Err….laziness?

**RoK:** ~stares at~ …I feel the need to hurt you.

**DF: **At any rate, I'm back into mywriting groove…

**RoK:** Finally.

**DF:** …and will be updating Demonic Nemesis soon, as well as post a few new stories I'm working on.

**RoK:** And thankfully he's also already written most of chapter 4 and part of chapter 5 of this fic, so updates will come sooner. Keep those reviews coming! It what inspires us to write this crazy-ass fic!


	4. Chapter 4

…**3**

…**2**

…**1**

**Go-Go Bijuu Rangers!!!**

**You Mighty Morphin' Bijuu Rangers!**

**From the twisted mind of: DarkFayt**

**Forced into Existence by: Rageofkyubii**

**Written by: DarkFayt**

**Rewritten and Edited by: Rageofkyubii **

**Co-Authored by: DarkFayt **

"Talking"

"_Thinking"_

"**Monster/Distorted Talking"**

"_**Monster/Distorted Thinking"**_

**DF:**Also it should be understood that GFH means 'Giant Floating Head'. I will start using this from here on since I am very lazy…

**RoK:** Exceedingly so...

**DF:** Quiet, you!

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(Last Time on Bijuu Rangers…)

_As Naruto stood over the slivers of the log monster, he couldn't help but-_

**RoK:**Blah, blah, Blah, Naruto beat the log monster and basically said "Screw you" when asked if he would join the team. There, I just saved you all a page worth of stuff you can easily find out by clicking back one page.

**DF:** …

**RoK:** What?

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It had been almost three weeks since he had passed his Genin test, and Naruto was honestly fed up with ninja life. As a child, he always dreamed of grand adventure, of epic battles against powerful enemies. He knew well and good that it wasn't going to be as glamorous and action-packed as that, but after almost 46 D-rank missions with the Emo, the Pinket, and the Porn Reader, he was completely disillusioned with ninja life as a whole!

On top of that, he seemed to have become a magnet for crazy, oddly voiced creatures that seemed intent on taking him down. Admittedly, it was pretty funny when, while on a D-rank mission with his team, a monster had attacked and Sasuke had charged it only to be sent flying, crashing into Sakura's forehead and knocking the both of them out, but still… No matter what he did or tried, the only thing that worked against them was transforming into his Ranger form and fighting them. For some reason, his attacks only seemed to do any real damage when he was a Bijuu Ranger. He grinned slightly, patting his stomach. At least that last monster had been easy and enjoyable to beat…

That Tsunade woman and her merry band of freaks weren't helping things either. He could hardly even go to the bathroom without one of them following him in! Now while it was creepy and a tad annoying to be followed everywhere he went, he didn't mind it as much when it was either of the blondes that followed him. It was actually kind of nice to be the one chased for once, and as long as they didn't say anything, they were great!

It was when he had his first lengthy talk with either of them that the problems arose. The one named Tsunade was not only a drunkard, a chronic gambler, and a bipolar bitch, but it turned out the woman was over fifty years old! He had found out from Sakura that she was one of Sarutobi-jisan's only students!

"_How does she still look so good?"_asked Naruto to himself, once again not expecting an answer.

"_**Who the hell knows or cares as long as she looks like that! Just look at the size of those MEL…"**_Naruto cutoff his mental connection with Kyuubi before it could finish. The Demon Lord had been another supply of aggravation for the last few weeks. Naruto had officially dubbed the fox his 'left shoulder devil'. It just wouldn't quit!

Every other minute the fox was feeding him ways to get into the pants of every acceptable girl he saw, and even Naruto's legendary hatred for perverts was waning with the fox's provocation…especially when it came to the Yellow Ranger Yugito, a.k.a. Sexy Kitten according to Kyuubi. To Naruto, she was rather nice and easy to get along with person. A little too hyped up on justice and doing the right thing, but still nice when you got right down to it. Unfortunately, with Kyuubi in the back of his head, he couldn't even look at the girl for the past few days…especially after Kyuubi revealed his secret power, never before known to any person in the Elemental Countries: automatically being able to tell the "Three Sizes" of any woman, as well as what their…"interests" were.

That would be a discussion Naruto would never forget…nothing like a perverted demon to wreck you for life after all!

"Naruto?" called a far-off voice.

"_Now what was the name of that other Ranger…Gaara, wasn't it?"_Naruto asked himself, not hearing the voice, _"He was the one using sand and wore the orange spandex…bastard stole my color choice!"_

"Naruto?" called the voice again only to be ignored.

"_He was ok too…I guess. Now that I think about it, they all were okay people. If it wasn't for that 'Head' and the whole freaky business going on when we me,t I may have ended up friends with all of them…"_

"Naruto?!" called the voice again quite agitated.

"_I wonder if there's a way to get rid of that floating freak…Kami knows I need some friends I can count on, and those two are Jinchuuriki like me. Maybe I could really become good friends with them if I got rid of the head, or at least found a way to deal with him. I really need to give some thought to this. Maybe if I…"_

Naruto was torn out of his thoughts as a rather hard bound book connected with his face, knocking him on his ass. It was then he was able to hear the irate voice of Iruka lecturing him about paying attention to the Hokage when he was speaking and the like.

"That's right, we're here for another mission…" remembered the blonde as he removed the book and looked at the gathered people.

The emo was glaring at him, as usual, and his stalker shadow was doing exactly as he did…as usual. _"Damn, human parrot girl…"_

His sensei, the porn-reading Cyclops, was staring at him lazily with a small amount of ire…not that he cared. The man had hardly done a thing for him in the last few weeks. Whenever the team was together, it always followed the same basic pattern: D-rank, team training, D-rank, "_You two work on your basics while I teach Sasuke a new Katon jutsu"_, D-rank…Naruto could honestly care less what the man thought at this point. He had teachers like this before in the academy. It just meant he had to do more on his own again, like before he had met Iruka.

Speaking of the man, it was his glare of disapproval that actually panged in his heart. One of the few people he wanted to impress, and here he had done something so simple as letting his mind wander and it had disappointed him.

"Gomen, Iruka-sensei. I was lost in thought about a few things…"

That seemed to break the tension in the room as Iruka smiled, "It's alright Naruto, but please remember that when before the Hokage, more respect and attention is required…not only as a fellow ninja, but simply as a person."

"_Yeah, he has earned that from me, more so then anyone else except maybe Iruka and old man Teuchi…"_Naruto thought before bowing slightly, catching everyone off-guard, "I didn't mean to be rude Ji-san, but I've just been bored out of my head with these D-ranks. I did the same things to earn extra money when I was younger…to say I didn't expect to be doing them again when I became a Genin would be an understatement." _"I have GOT to get away from that freaking Head for a few weeks…."_

Everyone in the room had to sigh in agreement, even if they didn't voice it. They all knew how pointless D-ranks were.

"Naruto…" the Sandaime started, deflating slightly, "I agree with you 100%"

"Hokage-sama!" Iruka and several others around the table gasped out in shock.

"Quiet, all of you! You all agree with the boy as much as I do…"

Several murmurs swept the room before he continued, "Naruto, you must understand that in these times of peace, missions are in short supply for Genin, especially new Genin like yourself. Most C-rank missions that could be performed by Genin are swept up by Chunin as quick as they can get them. This happens because just like you aren't ready for most C-rank missions, many Chunin are not ready for B- or A-rank missions. It's a sad conundrum, but it is what we are left with."

Naruto just looked on bored as he said, "So basically, it's first come first serve on missions, and because most of our Chunin are too pussy to go for the tough C-rank and B-ranks, we as Genin are given the hoe…both figuratively and literally." Naruto finished, thumbing towards the set of gardening tools next to the door.

The Sandaime coughed slightly as the rest of the room, including his own team, stammered at the container's analogy. "Well…those are actually for an extended D-rank mission. The daimyo's wife needs help building a new flower bed…"

Naruto only blinked mutely for a few moments, before smirking slightly. "That's fine, we'll take another D-rank mission. In fact, we'll stay in the village running errands as long as you want." He paused for a moment, allowing those gathered to sigh in relief before grinning slyly and springing his trap. "I just hope you don't mind hearing this for the next few weeks." The group blinked in confusion as Naruto took a deep breath.

"Believe it! Believe it! Believe it! Believe it! Believe it! Believe it! BELIEVE IT! BELIE-"

Less than a moment later, the Sandaime was seen hurling a scroll at Kakashi and screaming, **"OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"** for half the village to hear.

"_Heheh…point for me…" _Naruto thought victoriously.

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(Elsewhere…)

"Wow…" was all Tsunade and the Rangers could say as they looked around their new command center.

"I can't believe the Head was able to build all of this…" Yugito said in awe, strolling down the long walkway built into the depths of the mountain. It even seemed to be made out of glass of all things. On either side of the path were six large tubes filled with lightning-like colored energies flowing through them.

When they all reached the end of the walkway, they noticed it led to a large round room with doors of the like they had never seen before to the right and left. In the center of the room was a platform that seemed to be set into the ground by a few feet with strange tables and control panels all around.

As the walked onto the platform, they realized that not only the walkway but the platform itself was 'floating' over what seemed a bottomless chasm!

"Please tell me the Head is doing this and we're not about to fall to our deaths…" Gaara begged in a whisper.

"**Of course the Giant Floating Head can!"** cried the Head as it flew out of the darkness, scaring the crap out of everyone. **"The Giant Floating Head began building this when he still had his floating body!!!"**

"So all you had to do was finish it? What did you have to do?" asked Shizune as she inspecting the various control panels.

"**The Giant Floating Head had to get the electricity and water turned on!"**

The platform shook as the entire group face-vaulted to the ground.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Shizune cried as she umped to her feet, stomping toward the Head, fists clenched in anger "I've put up with a lot lately! My poor Tonton being hurled away, you, strange psychopathic kids, debt collectors, **you**, Tsunade-sama's drinking, **YOU**!!! But this shit is just the last straw!"

Shizune then turned and headed for the exit. "Shizune, wait!" cried Tsunade, "I can't do this without you!"

"I'm sorry Tsunade-sama, but I can't deal with this anymore!"

"Don't leave me alone with him!" the Sanin begged, twin rivers of tears running down her face. "I'll do whatever you want!"

Shizune stopped and thought for a moment, opening her mouth to speak-

"**HERE THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD COMES TO SAVE THE DAY!!!"**

-only for the GFH to shoot forward and disappearing into her head.

"Umm, she isn't a Jinchuuriki…is she?" asked Gaara.

"I don't think so…" Tsunade replied, looking as the twitching face of her assistant worriedly.

"So…what happens when he enters a mind of a non-Bijuu Container?" Gaara continued, causing Yugito's eyes to widen in realization.

"Ah, fuck…"

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(On the road to Wave)

"Naruto, why did you take those clawed gauntlets from the Demon Brothers?" Kakashi asked, shocked to all hell. Not only had Naruto noticed the two Chunin hiding in the poorly-crafted puddle ambush when Sasuke didn't, but he had merely walked up to it and dipped a finger in.

Next thing anyone knew, a pair of rather grungy and burned Chunin came flying out of the puddle, screaming as if the Kyuubi itself was after them!

"A more important question is, what exactly did you do to them?" asked Sasuke suspiciously, still fuming over the fact that the two shinobi had landed on him.

"Hmm," Naruto responded, barely listening as he looked over his new gauntlets. They seemed to finish his new uniform perfectly. He had ditched the orange jacket for a tight-fitting long-sleeved black shirt, and to his great surprise, his new gauntlets were large enough that they went all the way to his elbows. The next change was that instead of the all orange pants, he decided to go with black pants with orange wind-like markings running along the legs.

The change of clothes wasn't originally his plan. Kyuubi had been nagging him about it ever since they had started talking. Naruto had always ignored it at first…at least until Kyuubi told him that any normal clothes he wore would burn up during his transformations.

He had been at a slight disadvantage after that. Especially when he discovered during his training that his boxers surviving the first time was a complete fluke…

He was in an even tighter corner when Kyuubi told him that it would only change the clothes **HE** liked to survive the change, _"Damn, furball, blackmailing me with public nudity…but I have to admit, I do like the change of pace. Makes me feel kind of bad-ass…"_

"**I heard that, brat…glad you approve, but I'm curious too as well. Why did you take the gloves?"**

Naruto glanced at his team, still waiting for an answer as the fox ninja tried to think of an appropriate response. He grinned, remembering the team he had run into earlier that week. "I took the gloves because they're cool and to answer Sas-Uke's question…" Naruto trailed off, enjoying Sasuke's angry expression before continuing in a loud voice. "I USED MY FLAMES OF YOUTH TO BURN AWAY THEIR EVIL!!!"

The group dropped to the ground in a collective face-vault.

"**You love making them do that, don't you?"**

"_Wouldn't you?"_

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(In Madara's cave)

"The boy grows more powerful by the day!" Madara cried as he smashed his crystal for the fifth time that week, "I've already sent three monsters against him in this week alone and he's made a fool of every one of them!"

"Crystal shards again?" sighed Number Two as he used his new broom sweep up both the shards and the worn-down remains of the first broom. "Can't he at least consider who has to clean this shit up…"

Madara, not even paying attention to his goon, continued his ranting. "Log Monster: clawed itself to death. Kunai Monster: permanently embedded in the Hokage mountain. Ramen Monster: **EATEN!!!**Why in the nine levels of hell did I even use a Ramen Monster in the first place!?!"

"Because you've got the IQ of a Giant Floating Head…" Number Two muttered.

"What was that?!" screamed Madara, sending a large boulder flying out of nowhere at Number Two, knocking his head off again.

"Son of a-can't you at least think of a new punishment by now? I keep getting trash in my hair"

"NO, I CAN'T!!!" the masked man screeched in frustration, flailing his arms childishly. Number One has always kept my idea book up to date for me, and with him gone the last three weeks to god knows where, I've had to write on cocktail napkins and it takes time to sort through them!!!"

"Well ex-cuuse me, Leader, but if normal monsters don't work, why not try something they won't be expecting when they're not expecting it?" commented Number Two.

"That just may work…" Madara exclaimed, clapping his hands in evil glee.

"Really? Cause I have no idea what I just said…"

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(Wave Country)

Naruto couldn't believe it. The last week with Tazuna and his family after meeting Zabuza and Haku for the first time was…distressing to say the least.

"**A drunk old man, a kid that gives Sasuke a run for Emo of the Year, and a woman that can even make me feel guilty…"** said Kyuubi from within Naruto's mind.

"I know, its like I'm in a bad drama or something! A hidden past of family tragedy, a town under a tyrant's thumb, a dysfunctional group of heros thrown together with secret and tragic pasts of their own must face the man down and save the day…"

"And now we find the twist that our hero's new love interest in actually in cahoots with the tyrant!"

"And now-wait, the hero's what?" Naruto asked, only for Kyuubi to explain that the 'hot tail', as he put it (Haku to Naruto), was the one that was currently handing Sasuke his own ass while inside the room of mirrors.

"This…complicates things…" thought Naruto as he watched the battle between Kakashi and Zabuza escalate.

"**Cyclops really ain't that bad, is he?"**asked Kyuubi, **"He could probably even give you a good run for your money if he tried…"**

Naruto just ignored Kyuubi as he continued to watch the fights. In his mind, he really had no reason to intervene at this point, unless someone was going to die, "Oh look, Kakashi caught Zabuza with summoned nin-dogs…and oh, Sasuke just got his Sharingan only to get his ass knocked out anyway…no surprise there. Haku just doesn't seem like a girl to kill needlessly…and sweet, here's my solution to everything!!!"

Naruto was ecstatic! Here he was racking his brain to find a way to end this peacefully without anyone dying or him having to work up a sweat, and here comes Gato with an army of thugs declaring that not only had he never intended to pay Zabuza, but now planned to kill him!

It was too perfect! The man actually looked surprised when Kakashi let Zabuza go, "Wha-why are you letting him go! Kill him already!" Gato screamed at Kakashi.

"Why should I? If you're not paying him, he won't go after the bridge builder, and if he's not going after the bridge-builder, then that means we have no more business…" Kakashi explained in an icy cold voice, handing Zabuza his sword with an overly happy 'good hunting!'

"Haku…let me take care of this…"

It was quite the sight for Naruto from his spot in the trees. Not only did he not have to lift a finger to get the results he wanted, but he got to see not only one but two Jounin duke it out against each other AND a seriously screwed group of thugs. And best of all…

"I even got to see the emo get his ass handed to him!"

"**You have a little issue with the emo, huh**?" Kyuubi asked in a subdued tone. If the fox had learned anything about Naruto, it was that a bored, annoyed, or lazy Naruto was the most dangerous things around.

"No, not really…I just have problems with annoying bastards that keep trying to steal my swords because they look powerful! Can you believe the bastard actually tried to steal them while I was in the bathroom? I'd have cut off his hands if I thought I would have gotten away wi-…why is Sakura running towards Haku…awww…CRAP!!!"

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It was at that moment that he not only saw the shortest fight in history between a crazed Sasuke-avenging Sakura and an indifferent Haku, but the single worst thing that Naruto had ever seen in his life. (At least until next chapter…)

"**THE GIANT FLOATING HEAD IS HERE TO ONCE AGAIN SAVE THE DAY!!! Do not worry, strange pink-haired man-ish female! I will save you by awakening your powers as a Bijuu Ranger!!!" **the Head bellowed as he shot out of the water as Sakura was instantly knocked out by a quick backhand by the ice girl.

There were no words or thoughts that could describe Naruto's horror at that moment. He simply watched in silence as the 'GFH' disappeared into Sakura's large forehead and the unconscious girl began glowing a pinkish-red color.

"No, noo, NO! Nonononononononononononononono-FUCK!"

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**RoK:** ~reading over DF's draft~ …Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?

**DF:** What's wrong with it?

**RoK:**Naruto is not an evil, Kyuubi-possessed asshole!

**DF:** But it's funny!

**RoK:** How in the hell is that funny in any way?!

**DF:**Because he's acting like Sasuke! ~grins~

**RoK:** … ~lights DF's hair on fire~

**DF:**Gaaaaaaaaaaah! ~runs in circles~

**RoK:** ~starts rewriting scenes~ …flame-headed moron…


	5. UpdateNotice

**NOTICE**

For those of you that have hung in there, wondering and waiting when the hell this fic is going to update, I have good news. DarkFayt has been finishing up the first draft of the next few chapters, and one I get them, all I have to do is edit and add my own stuff in, then we can get back to posting! New chaptes of "Mighty Morphin' Bijuu Rangers" are close!

Now here's where I need your help. DF is a little….let's say _laid back _about emailing the chapters to me. So what I need you, the fans, to do is PM his account(search "DakFayt" under Authors) and tell him to pick up the pace, so to speak.

Until the next chapter!

-rageofkyubii


	6. Restart!

Just a quick update for those that have this fic on Story Alert, but not me on Author Alert. Mighty Morphin' Bijuu Rangers has officially been restarted! You can find it on my profile under the name "Mighty Morphin' Bijuu Rangers: Remastered. I will leave this version up for now in respect for the many people that reviewed it, though I may chose to take this story down later on. Thanks to everyone who stuck with me for so long.


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